Myth #1: You have to date around to

find the "Right" one.

False. Getting hooked up with the “right” person doesn’t happen by trying on

every relationship possible until you find the right fit. You and I as believers need

to focus more on our relationship with God and his forming us into the “right one”

so when we do meet that person God has for us we don’t miss out.

Guys pick up your bibles and it tells you what a great wife should

be for (gentle, kind, serving, modest, compassionate, honorable,

respected, humble, godly, pure)

Girls pick up your bibles and it tells you what you are looking for

in a Godly man. Quit looking to YM or Seventeen for ideas on

what guys you’re looking for: (righteous, godly, self-controlled,

respectable, servant of God and people, courageous leader,

gentle not violent, steady not wishy-washy, compassionate,

prayerful, etc.) There’s a huge list to go by. And it’s flawless.

Yes it’s true that at some point you will go out with the person

you are going to marry, but that is not the magic formula for

finding the right person

So how do I sort through my options (if you have any  tee hee)

1. Friendships. Evaluate their relationships with you and

other friends.

2. Watch how they interact with their mom and dad

3. Keep a safe distance for your heart’s sake.

4. Pray for insight and wisdom This can be tricky! Let God

lead you not your hormones or emotions. Evaluate them.

This is judging. And you better do it. You are trying to

understand a person’s spiritual condition, personality, and

motives. After all you are about to enter their name into

the marriage pot if you get into a serious relationship with

them.

5. Ask God to make is crystal clear quickly

Myth #2: No one would ever like the Real

you so you have to Impress them.

 Guys think girls want a guy who has the “I don’t care” attitude. Guy

who always act unaffected by anything. (Says things like “This is

stupid” “This is Dumb” “Let’s get out of here” “This is cheesy and

boring”. And they say it about everything!)

 Girls think guys want a girl who is “ditsy”. In other words just

always act cute and never express a real thought or intelligent

opinion.

 Girls think guys want a “bomchickbombom” girl. So they dress like

Seventeen magazine covers or the latest sleazy pop star.

Truth of the Matter:

 Girls want a guy who is affected by things. Guys who enjoy life,

engage in worship, involved in meaningful friendships. They want a

guy is respectful, kind, compassionate, and godly. Someone who is

on a greater adventure than just trying to hook up with their next

date.

Guys are not looking to marry a girl who reveals everything by the way they

dress. They may date a girl like that because they are thinking she’s

“easy”, but they are looking for a modest girl to marry. They also want to

marry a girl with the ability to think and express rational opinions.

Myth #3: As long as I don’t get

physically involved my serious dating

relationships won’t affect my marriage

When you share your heart and love with someone with no

boundaries it can damage your future marriage’s capacity for

intimacy.

You can’t approach a relationship full on without restraint. There

should always be that boundary in your mind and heart where

you draw the line and say “I will not give my heart away until the

day at the altar, until then I will leave it completely in the hands

of the one I can trust and that I will never break up with Jesus.

You are not ready to seriously date (or be in a serious

relationship until you are of the age and time for marriage).

Here’s the damage that an un-cautious approach to a potential

relationship can have in marriage one day you walk into

marriage with the only person whom you should have given that

level of emotion and love and mind and heart but it’s not all intact.

Parts of your thoughts and love are scattered to those

other guys or girls.

You have been emotionally intimate with someone else.

When things get stirred up and they will. Your husband has a

habit or says something hurtful to you. You have set yourself up

for Satan to take your mind and heart to the “What-If-Guy”.

Those temptations that start in the mind if not quickly resolved

can lead to actions. You just

create an unnecessary fight for yourself and your spouse. There

should never be comparisons. We are going to talk about

intimacy and what it is one night.

Try to save your heart and emotions for your husband/wife. Keep it

guarded. It means you need to find your acceptance and love in

Christ not boyfriends and girlfriends. That’s why you readily dive

into relationships with no emotional boundaries.

Myth #4: It’s nothing serious we’re just

dating.

 Have you ever heard someone say, “We just go out for fun” “I’d

never get serious with him”. You don’t have a whole lot of control

over who you fall for.

 Everyone who gets married marries someone they’ve dated. Your

life long spouse will be chosen from the 3 or 4 people that you

date seriously as a young person

 So you better be careful who those choices are --- or who you let

choose you.

Does it matter if I date a believer or non-believer?

Read 2 Corinthians 6:14-17 As a believer, you are made up of Body, Soul,

and Spirit. If you are not a believer you’re spiritually dead. A believer and

non-believer relationship can never be a complete relationship. They can

only have things in common physically or mentally.

Read 2 Corinthians 4:18  In times of big decisions like where to live, what

job to work, how to raise children you would be the only one desiring to

please God and do what is right in His eyes if you marry an unbeliever.

They live by what they see. That would be major conflict in your life.

The person you link yourself to in a

relationship says volumes about your walk with God!

John Wesley said "Worldliness is anything which cools my affection for God".

Wow, those are some strong words! So next time you are wondering "Is this right? Should I do this? Is this worldly in God's eyes?" ask yourself this question, "Does this (whatever it may be) cool my affection for God and the things of God?". If the answer is yes....well you know what you have to do! Turn it loose and let God put more of His spirit in that newly accquired area of your life!

In a world that's dark, it is often hard to discern the truth. Look to God and His word! It is a beacon of light in a dark world!

Solomon proved this centuries ago. He made a fascinating statement in the Book of Ecclesiastes. He relates all the areas in which he searched for meaning pleasure, riches, power, fame, and everything else one could imagine. Through all of these forays in a search for fulfillment, he says, “My wisdom stayed with me” (Ecclesiastes 2:9). How is that possible, we ask, when his day-to-day life was a colossal mess? I understand him to mean that in the midst of his duplicity, his theoretical knowledge of right and wrong never left him. He knew how to discern. But he was volitionally weak and unable to resist the tug of attraction into wrong behavior.

I have shared the following story many times over the years. Those from parts of the world where this is foreign shake their heads in disbelief, wondering how this can even be theoretically plausible, let alone practically workable. But read the reasoning first and then I will try to explain.

I give you an example of my older brother, who lives in Toronto, Canada. The story dates back to the late 1960s. At that time he was a systems engineer with IBM. Since that time, he has gone on to do several very impressive things in the world of computer software. In other words, he is mentally all right. He doesn’t have any major problem as far as his IQ is concerned. I say that because you may begin to wonder as I tell his story.

When he was in his mid-twenties, my brother came to my father and said, “You know, Dad, I’ve always maintained even when we were in India that I’m only going to marry the girl you choose for me. I guess I am ready now. Would you please begin a search for a girl for me to marry?”

I really didn’t believe he’d go through with it. We were living in Toronto, thousands of miles and a cultural planet away from the land of our birth. But this was his choice. He wanted my parents to help in “The Search.” My father and mother said, “Fine. Tell us the kind of young woman you’re looking for.” My brother gave his “ideal partner” speech and proceeded to describe the kind of person he would choose to marry.

Under normal circumstances, the parents would travel around and look for somebody that met the criteria, but in this instance my brother said to our father, “Look, you really don’t need to do that. Why don’t you just write to your sister in Bombay and let her do the groundwork? We’ll just correspond back and forth and take it from there.”

Thus began his quest and what I called our family entertainment hour every night around the table. My father wrote to his sister, and in response came numerous letters with suggestions, photographs, and information sheets ad nauseam. Oh! The jokes that would fly! The unsolicited advice from every member of the family was profuse. The sarcasm, wondering whether this poor woman had the faintest clue of his shortcomings! (From my experience with photographs I have learned that if you find a good photographer and pay him enough, he can make anybody look splendid. One of the first things people do when you arrive for a speaking event is to compare the reality with your publicity photograph. Many times they can probably say, “Twenty years ago he may have looked like that, but now . . .”)

Pictures can tell an awful lot that’s really not there. The camera can and does lie. But my brother would sit in his bed at night and look over all those pictures, study the lists of accomplishments and qualifications, and say, “What do you think of this one, Rav? Isn’t she lovely? Look at the description. She’s even the church organist.” I could not resist pointing out how important a feature that was for a successful marriage.

He narrowed the “applicants” to a short list and, finally focusing on one person, began to correspond with her. Then they advanced to telephone conversations, but not many because that was “too expensive.” One could tell that reality was closing in. Finally, believe it or not, they both felt this was it. The dates for the engagement and the marriage were set with these two never having met.

My brother and my father flew from Toronto to Bombay. More than one thousand wedding invitations were sent before my brother and his bride-to-be had ever seen each other. Two days after his arrival was the engagement date and a day or so later was the wedding date. He would then bring his bride back to Canada, all within a week, and they would live “happily ever after.” That, at any rate, was the plan.

I thought to myself, Oh my! You know, this is faith. Maybe it is even less than that. This is credulity! I began to get really concerned, so before my brother left for Bombay, I mustered up the courage to caution him. I said, “I don’t want to challenge anything you’re doing, but I do have a brief question. What are you going to do when you arrive in Bombay, come down the Jetway and see a young woman standing there with a garland in her hand, and say to yourself, Good grief! I hope that’s not her. I hope that’s somebody else! Or she looks at you and thinks to herself, I hope that’s not him. I hope that’s his brother! What on earth will you do? Are you going to take her aside, talk it over, and then make an announcement saying, ‘We have met . . . we will not be proceeding with our plans’? Will you get on the telephone or write letters to everybody and say, ‘Folks, we’ve met. The wedding is off.’”

My brother just stared at me. He said, “Are you through?” I told him that for the moment I was just awaiting his answer. Then he said something that was absolutely defining for him: “Write this down, and don’t ever forget it: Love is as much a question of the will as it is of the emotion. And if you will to love somebody, you can.”

That statement brought our conversation to a sudden stop. That was thirty-five years ago. My brother and his wife now have three children and make their home in Toronto. Has it been easy? No. Marriage never is easy. But the challenges they face do not come from an absence of commitment.

The statement “If you will to love somebody, you can” has the ring of truth, but deep inside we wonder, How does one “will”? It is a little bit like ordering somebody to love you. How does one go beyond the discernment to the practice? If knowledge does not guarantee behavior, where does one go to translate the prerequisite into action? Can it really be done?

Check back for the rest of the Story.......